1. |
grief dream
04:25
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I had a grief dream that I shot the president
Took a room at a motel and turned on the TV
My face grinned pale in that lonely screen not ready to admit I’d gone too far again
So I walked through town wearing broken shades like a junkie cavalier
Drank whisky soda with average monsters
I wasn’t careful, wasn’t kind, no body, no mind, just the logic of dub music in the night
All I needed was a memory of won bets, nights I never slept, waiting for the moon to set, thinking of you
There was a siren light on a limousine in America at a funeral starting to end
When I got to your apartment, those headlines were in your eyes as you said go now
Go now
Your dying mouth
So I steal Air Force One
To fly over gold
To steal the weight of the world
To land in the arms of sleep
A smile on the cusp of things
I’ve gone so far
I’ve come so far
I’ve gone so far
I’ve come so far
Without you
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2. |
||||
It was affronting to discover that you’re a monster
Strange to know it, feel it so completely and do nothing but
Watch you go by somehow closely
We give so much to the ones we love
And we betray just as much just to move forward
You humiliated yourself
Humiliated our love
And I walked away with all my worst thoughts
But thank you for the courage to die
Now there’s room for all these things, even joy
Fear oh fear is a circular craving
Stuck watching, never touching but wanting to know
How that night you became something else, forever
Elemental like rock or wind or mythical like a...
We give so much to the ones we love
And we betray just as much just to move forward
You humiliated yourself
Humiliated our love
And I walked away with all my worst thoughts
But thank you for the courage to die
Now there’s room for all these things, even joy
I don’t want to turn the pain of losing you into anything else
I’m not gonna turn you into anything else
Not an addiction, not hating myself, not someone else
I have it all
Fuel for the fire
We give so much to the ones we love
And we betray just as much just to move forward
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3. |
kristen
04:32
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Kristen, you’re in your own nightmare now
Suffering from the mood of a poor man’s house
I wanna be the shadow that saves you, I wanna be the shadow that scares you, I wanna be the shadow that wakes you from that sadness I know so well
I can break the plate and pull the fragments together
I can look away and then I can look closer
I can be the queen of most anything that crosses my path
But Kristen with you I can’t
I know you’re waiting with him
Real love means the waiting is finished
Kristen, I’m in my daydream now
A lifetime away you still want me around
With a warm buzz, lusty traffic downtown
You’re confident as a gun and just as dangerous
You’re my favorite lead, not a hard sell
Making a curious song with that laughter I know so well
I can break the plate and pull the fragments together
I can look away and then I can look closer
I can be the queen of most anything that crosses my path
But Kristen with you I can’t
I know you’re waiting with him
Real love means the waiting is finished
Kristen
Kristen
Kristen
Ay yey yey yey yey
Kristen
Oh Kristen
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4. |
my own
05:36
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I have to learn in my body
How to attach and name where I’m at
In dimensions of mental and physical space I hardly know how to name
I lost my love, I lost half myself
I tried to pick up the pieces, see someone else
But there are patterns at work I can hardly control
It’s all here right now, the new with the old
Can I face it, can I begin again, can I come to right where I am
Ooo
All I have to do now
All I have to do
All I have to do now
All I have to do
Is just learn the next part
Just learn the next part
To send me closer to
My own voice
I have to learn like this
My gay hand on his chest
I know this brings me closer to wilderness
Only the mountain has lived long enough to listen
I want to listen like the mountain to the true cry of the wolf
Ooo ooo
All I have to do now
All I have to do
All I have to do now
All I have to do
Is just learn the next part
Just learn the next part
To send me closer to
My own voice
My own voice
My own voice
My own my own my own my
Oooo ooo
My oooo oooo
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5. |
great secret
05:12
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Her eyes parachute down my style
As I gamble away a dizzy smile
Stopped, fluttering and febrile
Starting to soften into the grief
You’re kneeling in that great secret
Confessional crying in our kiss
Kneeling in that great secret
As her body becomes a myth
Incredible recollection surges through me
Honeymoons I know are gone
Cannot this blue feeling be the same as true love
If both are apprehensions
You’re kneeling in that great secret
Putting the empty bottle down
Kneeling in that great secret
When you inbreed with suffering
You get destroyed back into the structure of yourself
If only we could be animals
Born with the blink of an eye, always moving forward
But time, love, isn’t long enough
We’re both dead now
Having had enough
There’s something evil in me that loves honestly
It’s made me the liar that I am
I am doomed in all the normal ways
As I fall in this dream again
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6. |
wings of something
05:01
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I laid my hand on hers
Tiny, delicate, murderous
Until now I never feared
What we could create together
She looks to me fascinated and savage
Releasing an insidious poison
All the way home the poison spreads
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
That we made love from midnight to three
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
Just the wings of something brushing by me
Now I’m walking down Jenny street
Blue eyes staring up at the blue sky
She is not my friend anymore but something out of time
Behind with what’s been lost or just ahead
Like hope or a dream
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
That we made love from midnight to three
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
Just the wings of something brushing by me
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
That we made love from midnight to three
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
Just the wings of something brushing by me
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Hillary Susz Kansas City, Missouri
Hillary Susz is an independent artist based in Kansas City. Her distinctive alto vocals and effects-laden guitar work bypass conventional structure to deliver a truly unique narrative. The Wild Honey Pie calls her “…the love child between Sharon Van Etten and Angel Olsen.” ... more
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